People

People can burn and rot in hell for all I care.

Apparently, I'm insulting.

Well suck it.

I googled it.

I wikitionary'd it. (New verb, or it will be when I've taken over the world.)

And here's what "insult" means.

insult (plural insults)

1. An action or form of speech deliberately intended to be rude.

So, I do not deliberately intend to be rude. I intend to be logical.

Further explained by this article.

"For example, terms such as "Asian", "incorrect", "drunk", or "full-cheeked" are often interpreted as derogatory, when in fact they may be neutral descriptive terms or factual statements, which, at worst, would be simply inaccurate or incorrect rather than insulting. This phenomenon often occurs in individuals who suffer self-victimization or hypersensitivity."

Yeah.

Congratulations.

Still, I see nothing wrong with what I say.

Should I be calling someone stupid, they were probably being stupid, and I was being KIND enough to point it out to them. And they still get upset.

It's unbelievable.

Whatever, this post is going no-where.

Expect more Black Magey ness next time.

I will probably point out your stupidity

The Black Mage

A day in the life of a Black Mage

Today, I thought I would share with you simpletons a regular days schedule for myself.
This is a school day, because it is far more interesting than my weekends.
Then again, to you lower life forms, my weekend would be like a trip to Disneyland, exciting.
Though a trip to Disneyland for me is also exciting, except I get carried out by the police, after having torched several beloved characters from a Disney mythos.

Ahh well, here we go.
6:30 am - First Alarm goes off. Hit viciously before returning to beauty sleep.
6:45 am - Second Alarm goes off. Gets out of bed, has shower, including soap, shampoo and conditioning hair, shaving if needed.
7:15 am - Back into bed. Play video game or watch morning news to see if last nights escapades have been noticed yet.
7:45 am - Receive breakfast from maid. Eat breakfast, then get dressed and watch more news. Unfortunately must leave room for Apple Juice.
8:30 am - Leave house to go to school. Ride in car despite the 5 minute walk.
8:45 am - Homeroom starts. I attend.
9:00 am - I attend my first class, and pretend to pay attention while I plot the death of everyone else in the room. Except 1 or 2 people, though they live to be objects of my sadistic will, torturing them whenever I am bored. Or their parents own a franchise of patisseries which make delicious food.

10:00 am -Probably still in same class, plotting deaths. Or playing Tetris on the super calculator. A Black Mage must keep their mind agile at all times to maximize spell potential.

11:00 am -Time to eat, body and mind make up the magic formula of a destructive force of nature. May or may not play basketball.

11:30 am - See 9:00 am to 10:00 am.

1:30 pm - Due to a sadistic movement by the school I am attending, I have only half an hour of lunch time, instead of the 1 hour I was used to. Not impressed. I have 1 one hour lunch break once a week.

2:00 pm - Back to class, may or may not be asleep.

3:25 pm - Walk home. Whistle a cheerful tune as I think of the people from my school burning in flames.

4:00 pm - Access my computer, turn it on, play violent video games, chat on Facebook and type out my new plans.

6:25 pm - Have dinner. Not delivered by maid.

7:30 pm - Do homework. If I can be stuffed. Which I usually cannot be.

11:30 pm - 12:00 am - Get yelled at to go to bed. Must do so as the yeller controls my internet connection. Many revenge plans are made.

So yes, that is a day in my life. Not very exciting is it?

If you answered yes then, you are a liar.

I will probably write down your schedule and interrupt it all day long

The Black Mage.

Home Alone

No, this is not a blog post about a series of movies using the same crappy idea 4 times in a row.
Rather, my parents were wise (Or foolish, it does really depend on who you ask)enough to let me stay home alone for 3 days.
Not only that, they also left me a nice bit of money to buy food for myself.
We all know that the money will not be spent on food.


Thats not the point that, as the point is that I am essentially free of any restraint for 3 days.

Life is good.


Anyway, I find myself at 2 crossroads at this time.
1 is about a possible future career.
Lately, I have been thinking hard (As in, actually putting effort into thought rather than letting ideas come to me) and I have had several good ideas for a story.
However, I'm not really feeling it, I still like flaming people all over life and the interwebs.

Maybe I should write something like the Bible, a foul book of all things Anti-Black Mage, yet it managed to gather millions of followers. Maybe that should be my course to world domination, through a cult.
The Cult of Black Magi.

Or
Black Magi Cult.

Has a ring to it, no?

Ahh like I care what you think, you Homo Homo Sapiens.

2nd is that I have found myself feeling a very painful emotion in the empty place in my chest where my heart should be.
It's all because of this one White Mage.
I can't tell if it's outright hatred, deep rage, simmering anger or something worse..........
Something........KIND!

I mean, this girl is a white mage. They are the very opposite, the very worst enemy of my kind.
Maybe I should just smite her and be done with it.

I probably torched your favorite novel
The Black Mage

P.S. By torched, I meant bought it and set fire to it.

World Domination?!

I HAVE ACHIEVED WORLD DOMINATION!

Or at-least the first step towards my goal of World Domination.

I am not on my schools student council.
And so, I shall bide my time until the moment is right for me to take control of the "council" and rule the student body with a iron fist.
After that, my town.
Then, my state.
Then, my country.
And finally, the world!

Short blog post.

I will probably enslave your school
The Black Mage

Long time since last post

It's been more than a week since my last post.
Do I care if you homo-sapiens have missed me?
Hell no I don't.

In fact, to show how little I care, I've decided to skip my valentines day rant.
Instead, I wrote a little poem.

Walk into my room
What do I see?
Lying on my bed,
My Sony Psp.

Plugging it into the charger,
I flick the power switch,
Hoping it'd go faster
and praying not glitch.

As I charge it,
My thoughts become jarred,
What game shall I play?
Shall it be easy,
Or shall it be hard?

The battery bar is full,
I make my choice,
Final Fantasy Tactics,
and so I rejoice!
I open the back,
Slide in the disc,
Close it back up,
Is it worth the risk?

It reads it once,
It reads it twice,
I wait for an hour,
I try to be nice.
I try another game.
It all the same.
My psp won't read them,
this is real lame.

I pick it up,
Throw it on my bed,
I then open my mouth,
And yell out loud,
"F#ck this shitty Sony mess,
I'm going back to my god-damned DS!"


Yeah, I wrote that in like 2 minutes.

It's horrible no?
Oh well, by the time you've finished reading that, it's to late to see that I didn't like it either.
-Laughs Meanly-

Now that you monkey's have finish reading my rant about my psp.
All I gotta say is


I probably killed your PSP
The Black Mage

P.S. I stole your DS as well.

An exercise in over-hating

Today, I shall speak of something that is the total opposite of what we Black Mages are.
White Mages.
Now you may think, that we are two sides of the coin. White and black, good and evil, right and wrong.

That is so wrong.
White Mages, are a bunch of over zealous whores who only know 2 words.
"Cure" and "Esuna".
All they say.
We Black Mages have a far better variety.
We have Fire, Fira, Firaga, Blizzard, Blizzara, Blizzaga, Thunder, Thundera, Thundega, Bio, Death, Poison, Flare, Meteor, etc etc
See, all good fun words.
So if you don't recognize what I am saying, I'll put it simply.
We Black Mages have a brain.
They do not.
Let's even look at their words.
Cure, is a single syllable word pronounced Q-ar.
Hard...
Esuna, is slightly harder being S-U-na.
Please, these complex words are breaking my mind in two, splitting my soul with their difficulty to pronounce.
Morons.
What sort of self respect magi would spend their mana healing people.
We Black Mages do the proper thing.
We blow shit up.
We kill people.
Short, simple and too the point.
We like it, and we look cool doing it.
Those silly White Mages were robes all white with red........ you can't even tell what bloody gender they are.

So as I close this rant, I shall summarize in short fashion:
White Mages are retarded cross-dressing trans-gender losers.

I'll kill a White Mage
Black Mage

Short sweet and sarcastic.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797)

So true.
Watching the little year 7's, 8's 9's and 10's, who think they're all big stuff.
Makes me laugh hard, especially as I think of retorts far wittier than they were expecting, usually far beyond their intellectual understanding.
Maybe I should just limit myself to "So's ya' mum".
They all understand that.


I will kill your younger siblings for free.
Black Mage.

What to do, what to do, what to do

Today, was a day off for me.
Yes, even I take full days off.
Surprisingly, when I am not out on the world destroying things, I sit at a TV or computer and destroy other people sitting at TV's or computers.

Today, my game of choice for spreading death was Team Fortress 2, shortened to TF2 by internet 1337 (Leet) speakers. I shall find them one day, and pull their fingers off one by one, until they only have thumbs.


Still, I played as 1 class mainly as I spread doom and destruction among the enemy ranks.
The class of Pyro.
I love the Pyro.
The Pyro loves me.
We share a mutual love of 2 things.
The first being spreading death among our foes (With my foes being everyone who does not acknowledge my rule).
The second being fire.

I love fire, I love it a lot.
Name one other force of nature than can create such widespread damage, such damage to anyone within range. It spreads, hence the term "Spreads like wildfire".
In short, if fire came in Black Mage form, I'd marry it this instant.

Yes, to us Black Mage's, fire is more than a simple element to call to our bidding.
It is the first element.
The entry to our path of destruction.
The start of our fruitful career's.
It is, to say in short, like our first love.
Short, sweet and always fondly remember (Especially as she burnt to death.......or is that just me?)

Regardless of murder cases dropped a few years ago, fire is beautiful.
Fire is great.
In fact, I wish all you humans were as useful as fire.
But, you are not.
Not. Even. Close.

Alas, a conflicting schedule and the need to actually go to an institute of learning (I've yet to learn anything) tomorrow means I must away to the land of sleep.
So if you see me in your dream, it's not a nightmare. I'm there, in your damn dream.

I'll kill you in your dreams
Black Mage

P.S. If you see me playing TF2, and see me as a medic, it only means I wanted the damn points.

First Post

Lowly humans, I have started a blog in order to share the rather exciting and explosive lifestyle of a black mage.

To start of, I thought I'd talk about an event happening in my part of the world today. Now by my I don't mean I live there, I mean that it belongs to me.

You may dispute that, the government may dispute it but remember.

I'm a nexus of dark power bound in human form with the power to rule over anything that lives. You're glorified monkies.

Do the math.

Now tomorrow, there shall be a fairly low key horse race, that result in the gathering of many people in one place to watch large creatures with small humans ride around a monotonous track in a race.

Of course, I believe this would be much better if it was small horses on large humans and a fire under their arses, but the Olympic game committee has yet to get back to me. In regards to that, I have yet to return their children to them.

I'll hold out longer.

Anyway, this race (Or cup as they call it, morons) shall be about exciting as watching grass grow. Or talking to you apes, either one.

Yet a small.....very part of me thinks this sport is wrong.

Why are you racing on these creatures that are bigger than you, smarter than you and faster than you. It makes no sense.

You humans are so weak as to have to beat these fierce warriors and shock them, just to get them running.

So watch out, the horse revolution shall becoming soon (With me leading it.)

Well, now I must recharge my powers.

Burning stuff takes a little more energy than you'd think.

I probably will kill your mother

TheBlackMage

P.S. There shall be more than ragging on events. There shall be ragging on video games, books, tv shows, people and food.